विष poison

After writing that post yesterday, I have decided to take myself off distressing social media news. I realize that actually, I do not need the constant reminder that something bad is happening. I know it is and until I am ready to do something about it, I should stop poisoning myself with the stress of reading the news and the stress of feeling helpless. I kinda reached this conclusion today because I have become sick- again! I contemplated on this this morning and realize that I have not been taking care of myself very well, therefore I have become ill. Simple. The past few months have been a little hectic at home and this has meant not eating well, rushing, stressing, sleeping badly... and then on top of that, engaging in distressing news. Basically, poisoning myself you can say. I think there is enough indirect, unknowing poisoning to deal with already. So no more distressing images and stories for a while to begin with. Isn't it just nuts what we put ourselves through??  

Shine! Click Click!

I am sat here waiting for my friend, who will be my photographer today...
My hands are sweaty and my stomach is turning..
Last year, during my 'Four Desires' training with my teacher Rod Stryker, it came up in my work that I would make every effort to be in the background so I made a sankalpa to 'shine like a bright star'. I am not sure if I have been doing much shinning since then, but I have definitely become more conscious of my background hiding..

O.K... so he has come and gone!
It has been a good experience for me on a few levels; getting over myself, not really believing I can look anything special, trusting someone with my vulnerabilities, trusting myself?! I thought it was going to be harder doing this with a friend who is also a yogi, but it turned out great as we were completely honest with each other and had the same idea where this was going. You will soon see that I still did a lot of hiding but it was a great big first step for me and I am really so happy I did it. I am also so grateful to my friend for this experience and especially, for making GREAT compositions! I felt comfortable once I saw the first shot. It was no longer about me but about our expression of a combination of things that we both loved - yoga, colours, photography, alignment...The pictures are beautiful and I feel good about them. But... whilst I love them, it was a lot about the experience! I was thinking throughout, i can do this!! I am doing it! I did it!! :-)))))

At the end of the session, we tried to shoot a portrait and I have to say... epic fail on my part. Ultimately... when it is just about me, the challenge continues. Frustrating!
But I am on it.

Narayanan Krishnan

I am full of awe for those who understand their role in dharma so clearly! I personally know a handful of people like that and it is through interacting with them that I have a clearer understanding of the meaning "that without which nothing can stand (dharma)"
It is always a humbling and inspiring experience to be around them. They do not try to be anyone special, but you feel the magic of their presence; it touches you, softens you and fills you with a sense of love, that comes from the kindness of their heart...    

The CNN Heroes page is a great great source of inspiration if you ever are in need of one. I came across it in 2009 when some friends were rallying around Budi Soehardi but I had not been following it since, until last week, and came across this guy Narayanan Krishnan. I don't really need to say more. Click on the link below and check it out. You can also read about his work here and follow his work at Akshaya Trust

narayanan at CNN

I am very aware of how lucky I am to have access to food 24 hours a day, every single day. And grateful as well that I can stroll into the supermarket and pick up any food I like. I can even buy food that has been organically grown in Costa Rica and a variety of ingredients from all over the world- just five minutes walk from my door! Lucky me!

Not all of us feel dharma so strongly. And respect to those who do not claim to know it! We should not feel guilty if we are not out there saving the world. It is not for everyone, which is why these guys who do do this, are so amazing. Some of us are placed in the right place, at the right time to do the work necessary. And some of us are placed elsewhere so that we may help them. Money is an exchange of energy and one of the ways we can reach out to help. Although giving money is "easy", it should not be seen as something soulless or simple. Every penny comes about from an exchange of energy- the energy you have put in to keep society going, that in turn enables these guys to expand good their work. It is all necessary and all equally important.

Please reach out. 
On his site, it shows that US$400 (around £265) can feed 425 people 3 meals a day!
  

Ramayana

I am completely in love with this at the moment. 
I love epics and stuff of the past - Mahabrata, Ramayana, Bhagavad Gita, The Purana's, The Crusades, The Illiad, Odyssey, stories of the Greek and Roman Gods and my favourite of favourite Chinese epic stories on film! Crazy for it, my friends will tell you :-)

This retelling is BRILLIANT! It is easy to read despite the many sanskrit words used- but this, i love too. So maybe in the first few pages, you will have to keep referring to the glossary for their meaning but you get a hang of the words after awhile and will start enjoying the language itself. I love this retelling because he tells it like a fairy tale- you can really get into it- and you will!

Best part about it is that I have not even had to reflect too hard on the philosophy of the story. It just stirs me and i just FEEL the whole essence of the story. Dharma has never been clearer! The Bhagavad Gita gave me that as well but this- i felt in my heart. 


haha 
Please excuse my enthusiasm- I hope not to raise the expectation too high- I have read other versions but for me- this is just awesome! It has made me cry from being heart broken to being elated, to being inspired and humbled, and to being "enlightened" (ie: eyes / heart opened!) 


For epic lovers... enjoy :-)

Rubbish

Often, I would cross someone thoughtlessly throwing their rubbish on the ground. I wonder.... do they believe that someone will pick it up? I know in some countries, that is the general belief! I reckon they just don't care. 

How sad that some of us fail to see the great earth as our home? 

How sad that we can only see the things that we can hold and keep... 

How sad to have such limited sight..





Earth is like the body..
& we are just a cell within that body..
why do we pollute our own body? 
We know that one bad cell can make us quite sick...

Such a shame how we treat the organism that supports us...
the mother that provides us with all that we need to survive..

But shame on me!
Most of the time, I pass and say nothing..

not so early yogi

early birds

he he he
o.k. maybe I gave that impression, so I apologise if I did.
I do not wake up at the crack of dawn to practice. I am a terrible morning person! It has always been so. I wake up at 7:30 and if not, get woken up at 7:45. It takes me some time to get out of bed- a bit like my dog... it takes a few stretches and some dialogue with my brain before I roll out of bed. I also like getting up when my husband has gone. He is a morning person and is very hyper in the morning. His quick movements in the morning disturbs me LOL. I am on my mat at around 8 and do a few sun salutations and stretch out my hips and back; they normally feel tight in the morning (actually, everything feels tight in the morning for me- like wood!) . I don't stay long- breakfast beckons. Practice for me really happens in the afternoon. Most days, at 3pm. If I have clients scheduled, then practice happens at 8 in the morning and I only get the one session in. 

I am often asked how long I practice. The thing is, I have stopped imposing time on my practice. Some days, I can go on for 2 hours or so and some days, barely make one. There used to be a time when my time on my mat was all about how much time I spend on it and what I achieve on it physically. I would set targets and will push at a pose every day until I get it or it gets me! Then inevitably, there came a time when I did not enjoy my practice anymore and did less and less of it. I have managed now to let go of that kind of gripping and reaching. Practice is much more about space now and can report that I look forward to be on my mat every day. If you want to take anything from this experience, I would say to you, 'enjoy your practice'. To sustain a regular self practice and more importantly, to be able to receive the beautiful gifts of the practice, you have to enjoy it. Surrender the reaching and gripping, trust the practice, and all will come eventually. 

Having said all that, I go on about morning practice because I love getting up at the crack of dawn to practice. When I am on holiday, I look forward to this. It feels great and the whole day that follows is just great. It is a wee bit challenging on a work day for me to do this. I get back at 9:30pm at the earliest and it would take me some time to wind down. It all sounds like an excuse really because this week, I have had to get to bed early and have been waking up at a glorious 05:30 to get some practice time in before heading out to the wonderful yogi's at 07:00. I miss my night time reading but I love it! It feels great! Even the dog has been delighted to see me this early (and I can tell you, he is no morning bird either!) There is always a way if there is a will...

So anyway....my dear yogin friends, no, I do not wake up at dawn to practice. Maybe I will keep at this now that it is also getting light quite early. I really recommend it ;-)

we love zzzzz's in the morning

A&E moment

I have lost count how many times I have restarted this post, struggling to articulate my thoughts that are abundant, right now...

I have just spent an 'eventful' night at the A&E of the Norwich & Norfolk Hospital. About five hours to be precise. As I was not the one who was ill, I had ample opportunity to observe the activity around us. There were a lot of unwell people in one little space and plenty of real life human drama. 

At one point, we had our own drama. It is surreal watching someone's heart beat drop, alarms going off and a sense of 'oh..'. In that moment, there is a kind of calm... and everything, all of life, seemed to just wrap into one bubble and everything else outside is just a blur. It is like a one pointed focus... like some meditation experience. It is ironic, because this is also how i describe the day I met my husband.

Lately, there have been much sad news around my circle of friends. Just a month ago, a young friend died suddenly and without reason and we had just received news of a friend and a family member with terminal cancer. When these things happen, you recognise your mortality and become more aware of the fragility of life and start to say things like "life is short. don't waste it unnecessarily" etc. And then you forget and go back to the crazy cycle of stressing over little things, procrastinating, over thinking things, etc... until it happens again.

Perhaps it is different when it happens to you, or so close to you. 
Because there is definitely a different air in the house this evening. 
It is one of quiet contemplation but also, deep gratitude and appreciation...
That every day is a gift of possibilities- small and big.
Both equally magnificent, when seen through the eyes of appreciation..
Live... and love

I just want to add... 
You hear so much news about how bad the NHS is. Our experience last night was far from that. It was amazing. Maybe it is the NNH, and if so, lucky us for living in the right city. I was being quite nosy as well and can tell you that it is really amazing what goes on in there. It is not just that they were efficient and tireless. They were also kind and receptive. They were really thorough with us and we have left today feeling quite overwhelmed by the generosity of the staff and service. And again... maybe it is just the NNH, and we are definitely not taking for granted how lucky we are for all this. 

I also want to say that all is safe and well.